I am a Food Addict and this is my story.
I LOVE food. I do not ‘eat to live’ but rather ‘live to eat’. I can be having lunch and be thinking about my next meal. I could go to IHOP for breakfast, Taco Bell for lunch and McDonalds for dinner, even if each meal has ill effects and sends me running to the bathroom. I can eat a multiple-course restaurant meal, and even if I am stuffed to capacity, I rarely take leftovers home, because it is just so good. I could eat even when I’m not hungry. My brain only registers the pleasure and forgets the aftermath. I consider myself a food addict.
Being addicted to food makes losing weight difficult. It’s not that I lack self-control. I quit smoking, cold-turkey, after smoking for 20 years – if that doesn’t take self-control, I don’t know what does. Having given up a major vice, and no longer being much of a drinker, I had nothing to distract from the food, and gained 60 pounds in 8 years. I added 32% to my weight (go ahead, nerd, do the math and figure out what I weighed 8 years ago).
For most of my life, from young adulthood and on, I have struggled with my weight. When I look back, there was a brief time, while I was in college, where I was comfortable with the way I looked. There was a lot of walking in college, and I ate ice cream every damn day. Then later, living in my own apartment, working full-time, I could choose to eat whatever I wanted, and I started making bad decisions. Fast food and delivery was so much better than packing a lunch, especially when everyone else in the office was doing it. I was in my 20s and the bad decisions hadn’t started to catch up with me yet. I could live with a few extra pounds. But years of sitting behind a desk eating fast food lunches, and multiple evenings of restaurant dinners, started to add more weight. The food was just so good…and so easy!
Skipping waaaay ahead to the present, I like to say that I am “fat and happy”. 6 years ago I married my soul mate, who accepts me for who and what I am, fat and all. But am I “happy”?
When I look in the mirror, that damn full-length one in the bathroom; I am not happy. When I put on the jeans in which I had to go up a size, and they are tight in the waist; I am not happy. When I have a spare room filled with clothing that is 2 and 3 sizes too small, that I am “saving for when I lose weight”; I am not happy. When I am out of breath carrying the laundry up two flights of step; I am not happy. When I look at pictures of myself; I am NOT happy. I am tired. I am in pain. I am depressed. I am not the best me I can be.
But…and here is a big BUT, I can be! I am choosing to fight for my health, and my happiness, by starting over. You really can start over any time you want!! That is the beauty of this life! You do not have continue on the same path you’ve been on for decades. You can choose to go a different direction. There is no doubt that it will be hard, it will be scary, and I will stumble. The secret is standing up and moving forward!
This has gotten a bit ‘cheerleadery’ and that is really not who I am. I just want to share my experiences as I move forward and take control of my health and well-being. I will make mistakes, but I will no longer let my mistakes ruin my progress. I plan to update with more posts regarding “Becoming My Best Me”, share some informational articles, and inspiration and hopefully I can encourage someone others to become their best selves, too!